Can an action movie with Jason Statham, Jennifer Lopez, Nick Nolte, Michael Chiklis, Wendell Pierce (The Wire), and Bobby Canavalle (Boardwalk Empire) be bad? The answer: Parker.
Stop me if you?ve heard this before ? A thief is double-crossed by his crew, left for dead, and is out for revenge because of his ?principles? or ?code?.? That?s the synopsis for Parker and 75 other straight to DVD action films.
The real question: How is this even possible with a cast that?s adequate enough to pull off a robbery/revenge film? Despite the film?s unusually long opening that include numerous flashbacks, it opens with action movie clich?s that work:
- Multiple disguises to pull off a heist
- Criminal with rules teamed up with a hothead criminal
- Tear away priest disguise (one of my favorites)
- Double cross-left for dead combo
- The line ?It?s not about the money?
- Sneaking out hospital by pretending to be a doctor as police come in to question you (bonus point for recovering from life threatening injuries faster than Wolverine)
- Stolen ambulance getaway
- Using hospital kit to treat your wounds (bonus points for administering your own IV)
- Switching cars (bonus point for multiple car switches)
- ?It?s bigger than we thought. It goes all the way to the top? speech (bonus for understanding Nick Nolte)
A collage of clich?s matched with Statham?s action movie pedigree should at least be entertaining. Sadly, Parker falls short by underutilizing its good actors, not allowing Statham to do what he does best, and force feeding a Jennifer Lopez storyline that?s pointless and uninteresting. Great actors like Wendell Pierce and Bobby Canavalle are minor players in a film that desperately needs their talents. Allowing Pierce and Canavalle to flex their acting chops could only help keep the S.S Parker from sinking. Instead, their screen time is taken up by a J-Lo and Statham?s version of House Hunters in West Palm Beach.
Even with the predictable plot and the film?s star players sitting the bench, Parker doesn?t start to spin out of control until we?re introduced to Leslie, played by Jennifer Lopez, the broke real estate agent who?s recently divorced ? or as I like to call her Ms. Unnecessary. The middle of the film focuses entirely too long on her story and why she?s in this predicament. ?Newsflash: People paying $10 to see Jason Statham bring the pain do?not?care about sad real estate agents that get their cars get repossessed. Well, unless they shoot up the guy coming to take the car ? then things might get interesting.
Leslie?s relationship with Parker is ambiguous at best. It?s unclear is she?s motivated to get out of her situation or if she?s hot for Parker ? at least until Leslie has the sad face when Parker?s almost always topless girlfriend shows up. What makes their relationship even more bizarre is seeing Parker and Leslie exchange a passionate kiss after the first part of the movie establishes Parker?s relationship with his girlfriend and her dad (Nick Nolte) as being important. The whole thing is almost as confusing as Statham?s cartoonish southern accent.
The best scene in Parker comes at the the finale. Despite the film?s faults, the final showdown versus the gang is why people love casting Statham in these roles. He?s perfect for those few ?minutes. The action sequence is right in his wheelhouse of over-the-top kills that involve?gun-play, broken bones, and funny one-liners. ?Those 10 minutes are exactly what Parker should?ve been for 85 minutes.
There are a lot of things wrong with Parker. Was it the film?s four endings? The plot points to nowhere? The bad dialogue? 75% of Michael Chiklis dialogue is him screaming, ?Paaaaaaaaaaaarkkkkkeeeerrrrrr?? ?Or Nick Nolte needing subtitles. The truth is we?ve seen Statham as the criminal with a conscious a bit too often and maybe this one trick pony has run its course.
Grade: D
Source: http://blog.seattlepi.com/peoplescritic/2013/01/25/review-parker/
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